While in my sudden action of obsession to any and all Blues genre music, I came across a song that I hear quite frequently...well more frequently than a song you typically don't listen to is usually heard. I know the song, I know the version. I guess I just never actually stopped to listen to what exactly it was saying to me. And while I finally decided to purchase it on iTunes and put it on my ipod so that I could listen at the full capacity that music should be listened to (blaring directly and straight forwardly into my ear canals) it gave me the most inspirational chills. I, all of a sudden, had a clear head about a situation that lingers in my thoughts to this day.
"You'll be sorry some day..." it kept echoing in my head even as the song kept on. The thrill has gone away from me. I was under a spell cast by someone whose only intentions from the beginning were to hurt me and to deceive things from the beginning. And I feel extremely confident that you will be sorry some day for letting someone who genuinely cared about you go. For unspoken reasons.
I have let this one instance depict the person that I have been and how I view myself. I constantly asked myself, why am I not good enough? I definitely take the blame in letting your sorry ass take over my soul. For what has now been extremely too long. I am a good person. I don't lie. I don't cheat. I don't steal. I constantly think of others. And I guess I could blame my heartache on my deep passion for friendship. Good friendship. It blinded me to see what I should have seen from the get-go. If you don't like me...fine. No one says you have to. If you don't think I'm good enough...fine. No one says that I should be. The only thing that I can tell you is that I'm a good person. And for too long, I allowed for you to make me think otherwise. Maybe holding on to this instance for so long and letting it sit there and letting myself wonder is my fault. But one thing I would never do which makes me better than all the rest??? I would never, ever preach to people about self-respect and honestly and about valuable friendships just to contradict everything you just said. It makes you look foolish. Self-respect is having the decency to come to a person and be honest with them...instead you made yourself look foolish. You passed it all off on me...made me look and feel like I did something wrong. But lets just take a look at the big picture. I have a husband for which I am happily married to. And I have friends for days and people that would honestly be there for me if I needed them to be. What do you have to go home to?? No one. And it will be that way as long as you keep treating people the way you treated me and as long as you push people out the way that you treated me. Soo...the thrill of the entire situation.........it's finally gone. I'm not under any spells from you that hurt me anymore. I see you for what you really are. And I am confident that you see yourself for what you really are too. I hope that one day, you find the true you and that you get all that you want in life. But what I really hope for you is that you eventually understand all angles of how you hurt me and you realize that you were wrong.
The thrill is gone.....so very gone.
