Remorse, Revenge and Resentment

Those 3 words have more in common; in a typical situation, than just the letters that they start with. In a not-so-friendly situation, you would most likely find yourself feeling or wanting at least one of those things - which, in human nature, is totally healthy.

I have caught myself thinking of these 3 words alot lately. 3 words. 1 situation. Of course - this situation I know hardly anything about but apparently it involved me quite a bit. I went through my 3 R's.

Remorse. Was there anything in this specific situation that was dealt to me that I would have remorse for? Absolutely not. I know who I am in a friendship and I know what I am looking for from a friendship. I know what a good friend is and I know how to be loyal. I did everything out of genuine love for this person and obviously - they took nothing from it. So no - I don't have an ounce of remorse in my body.

Revenge. Obviously - since I thought I was doing everything right and then all of a sudden, things just went down the tube...I was pretty hurt. It still hurts me. And for the most part - I was confused and hurt and angry. My instincts went directly to a teenagers train of thought. 'What can I do to make this person feel as miserable as I do right now?' But then I realized that this was just no way to go - as I am a 22 year old adult who is married, has a job and responsibilities far more important than thinking such immature things. So no - revenge really isn't what I was feeling either.

Resentment. Sure - I was angry because I was so hurt. Did I or do I have ill-will for this person. No. Plain and simple. I just don't. This person was an amazing friend while it lasted and if they want to change their prerogative - well - that is their prerogative. So no - I wouldn't say that resentment was really my feeling either.

I was mainly in need of an outlet and closure. Which to this day has not happened. I feel that if everything happened the way that it did - I at least deserved to know why since it did involve me so much. I didn't get any answers.

I don't think that feeling remorse, revenge and resentment is really the answer to anything. I'm just hurt. I gave so much of myself as a friend and I got nothing back it seems. I just feel like everything was all for nothing. After having experienced this - I feel like I am walking away a stronger person in the long run because I know now to guard my heart. No one wants to walk thru life with their heart guarded and their walls up but I have to figure out which one sucks more. Does it suck more to be screwed over without any reason at all or does it hurt more to build your walls?

This entire blog has been weighing heavily on my mind for a while. I think respect of themselves and other people should bring this person to the feet of confession. As I'm out in the rain as far as what happened, what I did or did not do and why I even gave so much of myself to begin with. I just don't understand how, in a life filled with so much hate already, anyone would want to do what they did.

I rest on the fact that humans hurt until the hurting stops and the hurting will stop. It just takes some time.

It's Nice To Meet You

So technically - this is my second blog on this account. I deleted the other one because it just isn't relevant and it was old - from almost a year ago and so much has happened that I just want to start fresh.

I have a blog to find out who I am. Which I generally do believe is possible. I know my name, my address, my likes, dislikes, things I love and things I hate...but the inner Chelsie is something that has yet to be discovered and determined. I want to find out what seriously keeps this mind of mine together. I want to find out what issues really grab at me - and if the issue is there - it will be on here. Somehow.

As you may already know - I have an awesome husband, an awesome family, I love God, my 2 dogs and my PT Cruiser. =)

I like to consider myself almost like an open book. If I am not saying what I am thinking - you could pretty much read it all over my face at that point. When I don't agree with something or someone - I like to say how I feel - that could be considered a strength or a weakness - I will let you interpret it the way you feel it should be interpretted.

There are a lot of times where I don't take rejection well. Especially without a reason. Every single action you take in life will always have a reason and if you do something but cannot explain yourself - you are either one unsure person, or you are a coward.

I don't believe in friends. I believe in family. I have best friends that I consider family alongside my actual family and the rest is history. I have opened myself up to people who I thought were truly my friends and they never committed themselves to being a true friend. So I changed my policy and procedure on the whole deal. I am done giving all of my true friend self to someone who just won't appreciate that. It is their loss in the long run.

I am a firm believer that to get respect, you have to give it as well. And the sooner that people realize that - the better off this world of ours will be.

I think that any music on this entire earth could heal a broken soul - save your money and quit therapy. Just listen to great artists like Jason Mraz, Maria Mena, Hope and Chiodos. Those guys have gotten me thru some of my darkest hours - I guess you could say. Jason Mraz will hit the sensitive part of your hard time while Maria Mena and Hope tell you like it is and Chiodos relieves the anger and screaming you only wish you could express. I'm serious - try it.

Now on to the funnest part of myself - pictures of the ones that keep me whole...

This is my husband, Brandon and I. He truly is my rock. He has always accepted me as I came and never questioned it and that is truly one of the most loving things that could ever come from someone. Everyone has their flaws - mine are almost in surplus most days - and he never questioned me or us for a second.











This magnificent woman is my mother. She and I work together in an office by ourselves and let's just say that things can get a littleee interesting. No really. She is amazing. She is there for me 100%. She is the most amazing mother in the world.
We truly just have the most fun with eachother.





This crazy baby is Skittles. She is turning 9 this year and she is just the sweetest little baby ever. As you can tell by the photo - she is practically a human minus all of the canine characteristics.









This picture actually speaks for itself with Lola. She is sassy and mean most days but every once in a while - she will cuddle with me and Skittles on the couch. Otherwise - she is trying to bite your hand off. She has a one of a kind personality and she is crazy. But I love love love her.






This is my wedding headband and yessss - my sister and I made this! Like I said, I LOVE making headbands and being crafty! Isn't it sassy and fabulous!?


Speaking of sister - this crazy lady is Brandi. She is my most favorite sister. (She is my only sister =)) She and I have tons of fun. It is crazy how when you were younger you would just fight and fight with your siblings but then they end up being like your best friend.

AND LASTLYYYYY -



I am like a make up wizard!! I LOVE doing make up. And obviously - I rock at it. just kidding. But seriously - I LOVE make up. If my house was on fire (knock on wood) and I could only grab like - 3 things (2 of those things being my dogs) the 3rd thing I would grab would be my make up bag. It is like a part of me. =)








I think I have shown you enough pictures for now so that you can get a chance to know who I am and who I roll with. I don't want a blog that is dark and creepy and you don't really know who you're reading about. This is me - in a blogshell. =) But don't worry - as I've guessed you thoroughly enjoyed your visit - there IS more to come. =)